Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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