the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
