I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
