i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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