i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
