You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
