if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
there's paper in my vomit.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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