Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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