We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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