dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
