i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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