he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
