Will you blow on my dice?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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