Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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