So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
