i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
