she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
