He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
