I can text with my tongue
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
