it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
