Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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