it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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