I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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