in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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