its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
