If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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