i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
