No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
