are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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