i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
