Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
