She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
