i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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