I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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