dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
