dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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