I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
