If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I pour the whiskey from now on
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
