She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
