My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
