If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
