A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
