i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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