you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
