So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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