i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
