You were right. It hurts to walk today.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
