Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
