I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
