Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
