you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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