By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
