WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
