your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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