WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
