the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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