Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
