I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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