My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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