What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
