Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Damn victory sex feels great
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
