you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
