before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i out mim tonsoeep
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
