His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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