I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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