We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
