he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
