The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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