I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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