His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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