I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
