We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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