Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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