where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
