their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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